Think your relationship is a failure because you and your partner aren't following certain "rules" or meeting certain standards?
Dr. Phil blows the whistle on 10 of the most common but dangerous relationship myths.
MYTH #1: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS ON A GREAT MEETING OF THE MINDS
* You will never see things through your partner's eyes because you are two entirely different people. You are genetically, physiologically, psychologically and historically different.
* You will not solve your relationship problems by becoming more alike in your thinking. Men and women are wired differently. Attempting to blur your fundamentally different viewpoints is unnatural and even dangerous.
* Recognize that a relationship is far more enjoyable when you're with someone who enriches your life, not simply reflects it. Appreciate your differences.
MYTH #2: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES A GREAT ROMANCE
* Yes, your life with your partner should include plenty of romance. But don't kid yourself and expect an unrealistic Hollywood fairytale. The truth is that in the real world, being in love is not like falling in love.
* Falling in love is only the first stage of love. It's impossible to remain in that stage. A mature relationship will shift from dizzying infatuation to a deeper, more secure love.
* Don't make the common mistake of thinking that when the initial wild passion fades you aren't in love anymore. The answer is not to start a new relationship so you can recapture that emotional high with someone else. The answer is to learn how to move on to the next stages of love for a different but richer experience.
MYTH #3: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES GREAT PROBLEM-SOLVING
* Don't fall into the trap of believing that you and your partner can't be happy if you can't resolve your serious disagreements. Ninety percent of problems in a relationship are not solvable.
* There are things that you and your partner disagree about and will continue to disagree about. Why can't you once and for all resolve these issues? Because in order to do so, one of you would have to sacrifice your values and beliefs.
* You can simply agree to disagree and reach "emotional closure" even though you haven't reached closure on the issue.
MYTH #4: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES COMMON INTERESTS THAT BOND YOU TOGETHER FOREVER
* There is nothing wrong with your relationship if you don't share common interests and activities.
* If you and your partner are forcing yourselves to engage in common activities but the results are stress, tension and conflict, don't do it!
MYTH #5: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP IS A PEACEFUL ONE
* Don't be afraid to argue because you think it's a sign of weakness or relationship breakdown. Even the healthiest couples argue.
* If approached properly, arguing can actually help the relationship by (a) releasing tension and (b) instilling the sense of peace and trust that comes from knowing you can release feelings without being abandoned or humiliated.
* Instead of worrying about how many times you argue, worry about how you argue. Here are some guidelines:
o Don't abandon the issue and attack the worth of your partner during an argument.
o Don't seek conflict because it's stimulating.
o Don't pursue a take-no-prisoners approach in your arguments.
o Don't avoid achieving emotional closure at the end of an argument.
MYTH #6: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP LETS YOU VENT ALL YOUR FEELINGS
* Getting things off your chest might feel good, but when you blurt something out in the heat of the moment, you risk damaging your relationship permanently. Many relationships are destroyed when one partner can't forgive something that was said during uncensored venting.
* Before you say something you might regret, bite your tongue and give yourself a moment to consider how you really feel. The things we say while we're letting loose often don't represent how we really feel and shouldn't be communicated — especially if they are potentially destructive.
MYTH #7: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX
* The belief that sex is not important is a dangerous and intimacy-eroding myth. Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, vulnerability and sharing with our partners.
* Sex might not be everything but it registers higher (90 percent) on the "importance scale" if it's a source of frustration in your relationship. If your sex life is unfulfilled, it becomes a gigantic issue. On the other hand, couples that have satisfying sex lives rate sex at only 10 percent on the "importance scale."
* Don't restrict your thinking by considering sex to be something that only consists of the actual physical act. Touching, caressing, holding hands and any means by which you provide physical comfort to your partner can all be viewed as part of a fulfilling sex life.
MYTH #8: A GREAT RELATIONSHIP CANNOT SURVIVE A FLAWED PARTNER
* Nobody's perfect. As long as your partner's quirks are non-abusive and non-destructive, you can learn to live with them.
* Instead of focusing on your partner's shortcomings, remember the qualities that attracted you in the first place. Perhaps some of these idiosyncrasies were part of the attraction? Just because a behavior isn't mainstream, doesn't mean that it's toxic to the relationship.
* Be careful to distinguish the difference between a partner with quirks and one with a serious problem. Serious problems that are destructive and abusive include substance abuse and mental/physical abuse. Unlike idiosyncrasies, these are not behaviors you should learn to live with.
MYTH #9: THERE IS A RIGHT WAY AND A WRONG WAY TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP GREAT
* Nothing could be further from the truth. There is no definitive "right way" to be a good spouse, good parent, or to handle any relationship challenge that life throws you.
* Do what works for you rather than following some standards you might have read in a book or heard from a well-meaning friend. If what you and your partner are doing is generating the results you want, stick with it. If both of you are comfortable with the principles that work, you can write your own rules.
* Remember not to be rigid about the way in which you accept your partner's expressions of love. There is no "right way" for someone to love you. The fact that your partner expresses feelings differently doesn't make those feelings less genuine or of less value.
MYTH #10: YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN BECOME GREAT ONLY WHEN YOU STRAIGHTEN YOUR PARTNER OUT
* Don't fall into the trap of believing that if you could change your partner, your relationship would be better. You are, at the very least, jointly accountable for the relationship.
* Let go of the childlike notion that falling in love means finding someone who will be responsible for your happiness. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness.
* If your relationship is distressed, the most important person for you to change might be yourself. Once you identify the payoffs you are subconsciously seeking with destructive behavior, you can choose to remove them from your life.
-repost..
After years and months of waiting, I guess I deserve to have a break.. It’s time to let it go now. Time to stop waiting and holding onto it. Why should I stay? What brings me here at the first place? I should have known that there are things that are not bound to stay with you forever. ” People in our life really come and go.” It’s my fault. No one told me to wait. But it’s just that, I think it was the right thing to do. Since we were building dreams before. We shared each other’s stories. We texted and called like almost every time of the day. The promise of staying were broken. We need to be apart. Because we need to grow as an individual. I never said a word. Even though it wold kill me if we were separated. I never open my feelings and thoughts about this. Because I know, I am the Black Decision. If I said anything, it will be considered. And I don’t want that. I never want someone to stay with me because he/she considers my feelings. The promise of keeping in touch did not last long. We lost contact, up until now. I gave my all to give time and understand. But it’s been years and months of waiting. I guess I deserve to end this.
A silent, shy girl
That’s how I remember she was.
She wouldn’t speak,
Even a bit.
Days have passed,
She changed with a must.
All shouts and cheers,
Her aloofness disappears.
We wasily get into each other.
We laugh until forever.
Though sometimes were blue,
We always still find a clue.
She’s knonw as the heart breaker.
Also a neck craker.
She’s a good friend, that you can count on.
Always their to lean on.
Strong and intense she may seem.
But I know, she’s a light nearly to dim.
All her sadness, sorrows and tears.
Were covered by her laughters, yells and cheers.
She’s always misundertood,
By someone who always conclude.
But always, she turns out to be the best.
Outstanding among the rest.
There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around.
It’s a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don’t share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don’t understand because you don’t know enough about them.
On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are “in love” with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless.
Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn’t need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen.
Friends are the people who won’t laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.
Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don’t think about how long to hug and who’s going to be the first one to let go.
Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud.
They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them.
They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them.
